It seems like I miss you more and more everyday Mia. The pain hasn’t gotten any less. Anger is still very much a strong feeling that exists within me at times every day. Sadness is there all the time. The emptiness I feel as I look at my body that once housed our sweet Mia, yet also failed her in a way, shows almost no evidence that I carried her other than my C-section scar that is healing. The hint of jealousy I feel as I watch everyone continue on in pregnancy or share their birth stories and babies(it seems like it’s everywhere including movies and shows), while we sit here and cry out wondering why this tragedy has happened to us. Haven’t we been tested enough? Haven’t I been through enough trials in my life to deserve something that John and I tried so hard for? While everyone is supposed to bring their baby home in a car seat, we didn’t get so lucky and it’s just so unfair. If I seem distant, it’s because I’m trying to figure out my new normal. I’m trying to put myself back together when it feels like it’s impossible to do so. Im taking a few moments every day to remember my blessings that I do have—my husband that has been by my side through so much and continues to be my rock and my biggest supporter. Three beautiful kids that love and need me. Family and friends that truly wish they could take the pain away. I love you all so very much. Please be patient with me as it try to learn who I am without Mia as she was a big part of my identity for the last 9 months.
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