We went to visit family this past weekend. You should have been there with us as we traveled to Wisconsin to see your aunts, uncles, grandpa and grandma, and cousins. They all love you so very much! I imagined how everyone would love on you and cuddle you all day. I pictured your grandpa talking to you in Spanish 🥺 we’d take so many pictures that people would get tired of me. Oh how I wish I could take more photos of you. I saw my niece(in-laws) baby for the first time while we were there. Man was that a difficult time. I can typically run from those situations and not allow myself to face my triggers. And as much as I wanted to run away, I didn’t. I couldn’t. I didn’t want my family to think I don’t love their baby. Although I’m certain that they would understand, I’ve had someone that was supposed to be close to me, end our relationship because they couldn’t/wouldn’t understand my struggles. It hurts just as bad now to see a baby or a pregnant woman as it did when we first lost Mia. It doesn’t get easier..at least it hasn’t yet for me. I just looked at her baby and cried..and sobbed. I couldn’t help but feel envy..jealousy. Because Mia should be here. There’s absolutely no reason that she’s not. She was perfectly healthy. And then all within minutes..she was gone. I just can’t accept it. I can’t wrap my head around it. I can’t make sense of it. Because it shouldn’t be this way. We went to a Brewers baseball game last Sunday with the family to celebrate my father in laws birthday. I had a good time but still felt your absence. They do this thing with the Circle Of Life song and everyone holds up their babies or small children like they did with Simba in the Lion King. I started crying because it just make me think of how your life ended so abruptly. Your daddy would have held you up so high as he smiled proudly at the mere thought of you being his little girl. 🥺💔 it’s just not fair. Your sister has opened up more about you. She’s cried and showed her feelings more about how she misses you. She’s been carrying around the bear I had made with your exact birth weight of 5lbs 3oz. She’s been sitting in your room a lot lately. I made her a bracelet and necklace with your picture on it so that she always has you next to her. I also made one for your brother and other sister. Our hearts hurt so much with you gone Mia Marie. I’d give anything to have you on earth with us. Anything!
I love you so very much! Please watch over all of us babygirl. 💔ðŸ˜
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